Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
