What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
