Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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