update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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