You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
