I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
