I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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