she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
