we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
