my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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