Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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