Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Who died my cat blue again?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
