sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We are two peas in an std pod
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
