i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
