You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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