I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
