when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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