I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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