While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
