once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
