I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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