my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
