i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
