a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
