He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
