i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
50% drunk capacity currently
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
