He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
