I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
