that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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