She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
