your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
