Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
