are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
