i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
