It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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