She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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