So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
