I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
