so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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