I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So here I am, sexting at work.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
