So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is Oprah even human
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
