I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
