I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
