i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
