there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
