Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
