He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
