She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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