So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i've created a new STD.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
