I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
