I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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