We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
